Always Look On the Bright Side of Life

I'm finding it hard to commit to the blog right now. There is a lot going on, and I'm trying to process. I just don't know if public processing is best with all of this.

J leaves tomorrow to start his new job. While I'm thrilled that he has work after 11 months of my being the breadwinner, I'm not thrilled with the fact that he won't be here. We went up and looked at the one bedroom efficiency suite that his work has reserved for him until March 25. It's a little larger than what I'd been thinking, and has a separate bedroom and living/eating room with a tiny kitchen in the middle. The kitchen is big enough to make breakfast, and that's about all. He'll only be a couple of blocks from work, which is fatastic. We need time to learn to navigate the bus system. We found his bank, and the drug store, and a few eateries, and navigated around the hotel so he'll know how to find his way.

I have been yearning for J to not be here so much for the last little bit. In fact, one of the reasons that I was happy to go back to work was that he wasn't there. I don't change my views on that. We had 2 weeks where we were together. All. The. Time. It was too much for me. But now as I pack a laundry basket of toiletries and snacks, and look through closets to find the things that he can't seem to locate, I have become very aware of how much I'm going to miss him.

The good thing, we realized as we were sitting in a coffee shop during our open house this afternoon, is that he's about an hour from here: close enough that I can go up whenever I want. My work is partway between the two. J was also good about getting 2 keys. Even if he's working, I'll still be able to come and go from the room as I wish. I like that.

In other news, we had an open house today. Now that J's job is officially starting, and we have a conditional offer on a new house, we want to be done here. Despite the crappy weather, our agent was thrilled with the number of people who came through (almost 20), and thinks that we may get an offer out of all of this. That would be fantastic too.

I can't wait for what's next.

Dear Santa...

Thank you so much for taking the time to read this. Despite my beliefs, it is always important to take some time this time or year and ask for my wish list. It isn't long. I promise. 1. Please send my husband his work permit. Then we can actually tell people he's looking, as opposed to he's waiting. We realize that you'll need to lean on the government. But you're Santa. If they'll do it for anyone, it's you. 2. Please let me sleep for a long, long time. During the fall, I have been busy with school. Now I have a husband who demands my attention. I want to stay well. I want to be relaxed. Make everyone go away. 3. Please send a personal assistant. My house needs cleaning. I need to buy groceries when we're running low on food. Not when we're out. And have been for a couple of days. I would also like someone who makes sure the bills are paid on time every month and cooks dinner. So is well aware when the above problems exist. As well, there is a husband who demands attention. See #2. 4. If you happen to see the shreds of my sanity, please return them. And a set of knitting needles. I'll need to repair it somehow. 5. If none of the above is possible, in the words of Sally Brown, "Please send money. Preferably in tens and twenties." Thanks Santa, any and all of those would be swell. Big Smoochies. Me

The Variables Rear Their Ugly Heads

There is only 1 week until Christmas.  This thrills me to no end, seeing as I'm exhausted, tired, and completely out of inspiration with my classes.  I see a whole lot of rocking out to Christmas carols happening this week.

J and I have finished our shopping, and now I am left with the wrapping...and figuring out what exactly to buy the man I live with.  Everything he could use right now is just too expensive.  We'd both like an external hard drive that we could hook up to the router and network for us both.  He'd like a lap top.  I'd love to get him one or both, but they're just not in the cards right now.  We'll see what happens.

We are, however, going to see Irving Berlin's White Christmas at the Fox Theatre in Detroit as a gift to both of us.  That will be fun.  He's all for making plans on the 24th as we'll be spending the day in Detroit before going to see his family for Christmas.  I'm pretty sure it would be fun to sleep, watch TV and order room service in the hotel.  We'll see what happens.

As for the rest of my life, a lot is happening.  I'm just not allowed to talk about it.  We work on the house in the hopes of selling, but where we're going to end up is a bit of a mystery.  So far, we've bid on 2 houses, and neither has worked out.  Ours is still off the market, a concession to my having a desire for a Christmas tree.  And the problem is, only a small group knows what's going on.  We'll see what happens.  

In terms of work, I'm busy, I like it, I plan to resign from the job I'm on leave from, but I'm in this ambiguous state where I have no real control.  The target keeps moving on me, and I'm shooting as fast as my water pistol will allow.  I'm not soaked yet.

I've been thinking a lot in terms of New Year's resolutions recently, and I don't know what I want to work on.  I would like to resolve to sleep 12 - 15 hours daily, frankly.  And then cook at home and see no one.  I'm not thinking that's the best of resolutions.  We'll see what happens.

In exciting news, I have a friend who is a photographer.  That's not the exciting part.  What is is that she's building her portfolio of live subjects at the moment, and J and I will be posing for her in the new year.  More when it comes about...if I'm happy with the pictures.  I can't believe I won't be.  I sent her an idea for a shoot, and she loved it!  Then I approached J, and when I told him that he would be clothed, he went for it too.  It's something to look forward to.  And that's good in my current wait and see mode.

That's Swedish...for Particle Board

Ah, the life of a domestic diva...sleep late, watch TV, cook occasionally, generally not do much of anything. Frankly, my life is starting to fall into this pattern, and while I lurrrve it, it is also an indicator of the fact that I sorely need to go back to work.

Structure! Normal bedtimes! Regular meals! That's what I need.

To this end, I have started to plan for going back. With only 3 classes a day, you'd think that it wouldn't be that bad. And in one way, it really isn't. But it's been a looong time (try Teacher's College other than a 3 week stint 6 years ago) since I've taught classroom music, and I have a real need this year not to screw up. The rest of my job will be learning curve enough. I don't need what I'm supposed to be trained in to be crazed and time sucking as well.

I am officially starting to drive J nuts with all of my songs and finger plays and line up chants and body percussion doohickeys and so on. I was showing him glove puppets today that I made in music school and have never used, and he wanted to know if I was going to have fun, or if the kids would. My answer was both. And I stuck my tongue out at him. I'm so mature.

But while I listened to CDs of tacky accompaniment music that came with my new books, J moved his wardrobe into a new armoire. A couple of weeks ago, the bar in his old armoire fell when someone (*cough* me) shifted a shirt and the hook into the wall broke off and fell. Suddenly, I needed to clean my office stuff out of the guest room so that J could fill the room with his clothes. It's a good thing that we don't have many guests...the room is constantly the emergency staging area for the latest upstairs disaster in the house.

The armoire we had didn't owe us much, and as a piece of IKEA furniture was pretty cheap to begin with. So we went shopping for the new, stronger, bigger, huger armoire. It is all those adjectives, and black. It also matches nothing in our bedroom. It's the latest in eclectic chic. But it also holds more of his clothes, and I'm going to put in the basement the shelves that I have hated since they entered my house a year and a half ago. I am slowly reclaiming the guest room, one drawer at a time, and it thrills me to no end. Sooner or later, I will also find space for J's suitcases, blankets and bits and pieces that cover the blanket box, and generally fill every nook and cranny of the room. I think it's called moving into a new house where he'll have an office and I'll never go in there.

All Together Now..."Awwww"

A year ago today I married my sweetie. The roller coaster hasn't slowed since. I love you babe. Happy anniversary. Keep enjoying the ride.

Things that go Bump in the Night

Some bullets about where me and my head are right now:

• I have been offered a spot in the VP pool for the local public school board. Yay me. They told me 18 months until assignment in the interview. They told me 3 weeks on the phone. I will most likely have a new job in September. I am now scared out of my mind. Real school will chew me up and spit me out.
• J is going stir crazy. I come home at night to a man who desperately wants to go out and talk. All I want to do is curl into a ball and hope I survive another day at work as I contemplate the fact that I need to clean out the classroom that I have inhabited for the past 10 years. It makes me want to cry.
• My mother cleaned off my dining room table and moved everything to the shelves that she set up in the basement. It is very clean, and I didn't have to lift a finger. It's all good.
• J and I are planning a road trip for our summer vacation. It should be fun. I come home every day and look for the mail, hoping for tourist packages from far off states like Pennsylvania. I don't get out much.
• I keep having dreams that I'm pregnant. That can't be a good sign. Pregnant women who can talk about nothing else piss me off. Those 2 facts must be related.
• J sat straight up in bed the other night because he lost an earplug (apparantly I snore. How sexy is that??). He thought he'd pushed it too far into his ear - apparantly there's a big black abyss into which it fell...inside his head. At 3:12 AM, I really didn't care. For him, this was a traumatic event that we needed to discuss.
• I am running short on sleep at the moment. Contemplating how far into my husband's head an earplug can go didn't help matters.
• I am 3 assignments, a weekend of classes and a seminar away from being a qualified principal. How surreal is that?
• J and I are incapable of making grass grow in our backyard. So is our lawn guy. We're on seeding #3.
• I love that I no longer do laundry and dishes. These are J's domain now. I did dishes with him last night for the first time in 3 weeks.
• There are only 7 Fridays of school left, and so much to cover. My grade 9s have no idea what's coming at them next week.
• I don't have any plans for this weekend, other than sleep late, buy hanging baskets for the deck, spend time cooking, and writing some of the above assignments. How great is that. The sun is shining, it's 1:43 in the afternoon, and there's not one thing I absolutely have to do except take J for a haircut. It's all good.

The Waiting is the Hardest Part

Let's count up the stressors in mine and J's collective lives, shall we? 1. He has no job, and is starting to go stir crazy. I come home everyday to a man who wants to see me, but is utterly guilty that he isn't pulling his fair share of the weight around here. It's heartbreaking, and I want to talk about me...not how miserable he now is. Funny, it's becoming like the radio station. 2. I won't hear for another week about the interview, and we're convinced that I didn't get an interview with the board up north. My guess is it's because I didn't mention the possibility of relocation. I've been blah and meh for the last couple of days. It's very disappointing. The supply pool is now open for the board, and I need to put in my cover letter that I'm willing to relocate. But it's supply work, and we need full time for one of us; with real money. 3. I have a migraine. But happily, J has gone to Bible Study with the pan of brownies that I made for him this afternoon. I can sit in front of the TV and not move. That's a good plan.

Boys and Their Hoses

No, it's not *that* kind of a post...but I thought it made for a great title. Things here on the mountain continue at breakneck speed. I'm half finished my principal's certification course, and it is a master at the art of time suckage. Or I haven't learned how to effectively manage my time. I'm going with option A. Option B makes me sound deficient. J and I are both looking for work. Well, more me than J. He's waiting on the job that was unofficially offered in March. That would move us 3 hours north of where we are now. Not that that's a bad thing...it's snowier, but it's on the water. So, I've applied for the principal's pool up there, and we wait. I had another interview with the local board here this past Monday for the vice principal pool, and I'm feeling pretty positive. I found out Friday from my principal in my performance review that they called for a reference, so I'm pumped about that. We won't know the outcome until the 28th of April. Bleh. I hate waiting. And we're waiting for a potential interview with the northern board. I know they're the 28th (how ironic), so I should hear in the next couple of days if I got one or not. Here's hoping. I succumbed to the call of the Matrix, and it's so much fun. We put the back seats down this weekend for more hauling space. I'm learning to embrace second gear. It's the one thing I'm not enjoying: I miss my old car's standard because I was so used to it. Second is a bitch in the new car. But it will come. The car is dark blue. J's looking for big magnetic maize block Ms for Saturdays in the fall. But, because J is home during the day, and there's the possibility that we'll be moving, there are many capital improvement projects underway on the mountain. 1. J and I went to Home Despot and bought the world's most amazing broom. We live with many, many pine trees, and they all shed. All freaking year. And I have never done a lot about them. But, we think that potential buyers might be interested in what the driveway looks like. So we bought an "Industrial Street Sweeping" broom. It rocks my sock drawer. We got all the needles, top soil, and pine cones up. We should have taken before and after pictures. It was amazing. 2. My friend Steve came and helped us change out both the faucets in the house (kitchen and bath), seeing as they were both leaking. Now, my bathroom faucet is brushed nickel like the towel bars and toilet paper holder. I keep going in and making sure they're clean, just because. I'm such a loser. 3. The pipes have been changed out for pex from coroding galvanized. It's amazing. We have hot water and water pressure. Not surprisingly, the leaking in #2 became much worse after the change. Changing the faucets took on a new priority. We also got a new showerhead. There is now an actual shower as opposed to the spray that went in all directions like before. We have such hard water here. 4. With all my pretty brushed nickel in the bathroom, I felt a need for new cabinet pulls. The old ones were gold...and the rest of the metal was so not. They are now brushed nickel too. 5. With the decision to buy new pulls, we decided to get new pulls for the kitchen that didn't have paint on them and that matched. J put the new ones on yesterday morning while I was at my pedicure. It was amazing. 6. This all started with my decision to put in the under cabinet lighting that I had lusted after for the past 5 years. Those lights should have been at the top of my priority list on capital improvements. I use them all the time. 7. Remember my backyard glamour project of last summer? Where we had the patio ripped out? Yeah, the topsoil and grass seed finally showed up this week. J and I went to Canadian Tire and bought a hose. I have never felt a need to own one. Any flowers I've had in the front I water with a watering can, and I've always let the grass die in the summer. J has taken on the grass as a personal project. Which is fine. I don't want to get up and water. But he does. He's looking up tips on getting it to sprout, and when the best time to water is, and how long it should take, etc. We've had to buy hose accessories already. The hose is, in no uncertain terms, his new favourite toy. We were out sweeping this afternoon, and he kept suggesting that we spray down the driveway, or the car "because it's getting dusty from the sweeping". At this rate, we may even build the shelves and put away the wedding gifts that cover the dining room table. It's not because my mother is coming on Friday for the weekend. I swear it isn't.

Something Wicked This Way Comes...

Argh. I wanted to do this Saturday, but Blogger wouldn't let me upload pics. Then Sunday, I tried again. Still no pics. Today is no different. Screw the pics. They're just of tropical Southern Ontario. So my weekly hellish drives to Toronto are done. Apparantly, the snow isn't done with me though. Saturday, for J's last day of work, the weather was frightful. And me in my 10 year old Corolla took it all on. I did win. Yay me. Yes, that's right...J's last day of work. I am officially the breadwinner, and he is officially the "Domestic Engineer", a title that he has given himself. He's spending my March Break learning to run all of our appliances and generally running amok with me. Today was fun. Tomorrow, I'm off to the dermatologist. So, we won't totally be underfoot of one another. I think that's what worries me most about J's being home full time: that I'm going to be bitter that I have to go to work and he doesn't. I'm still hoping to win the lottery so that neither of us really has to work, and I can go back to school for the masters that I'll never use. Sigh. The biggest hurdle in all of this is that J can't just go out and get another job. He needs that all important work permit still because he isn't anywhere near landed immigrant status. Did I mention that that's one of the things we're meaning to file this week? Yep, it just hasn't been a priority. But as always, good things will and have come of this. The most important: my husband is sleeping better at night. He's been miserable for so long (almost as long as he's been here) that horrible sleep habits had just kind of become a norm for him. I think the CPAP is a little to blame for that, seeing as he's never slept well. But he's waking up rested. Happier. Perhaps quitting is the best for both of us. Have I mentioned that I'm looking for a new job too?

A Quick Announcement

For some of you, this will be TMI. But I need to tell someone. In the short time that I have been married, Aunt Flo has joined us for the wedding, J's birthday, my birthday (yay for being born approximately 4 weeks apart) and New Year's. If she shows up just as we're leaving for the romantic weekend we just booked over the Family day weekend at Niagara Falls; there will be a great wailing, crying, and gnashing of teeth. I'm sure J will be sorry as well. That is all. Return to your weekend.

Things I Have Learned in the Last 2 Months Since Posting

1. I am too busy for words. 2. You can live with 2.5 feet less of your colon. J is proof of this. Yes, the surgery was successful. 3. I like it when my husband is working and not home all the time. Yay tomorrow when he goes back to work. 4. Wii is freaking fun. We played over Christmas at my sister in law's. My mother in law kept bowling strikes. Go figure. 5. AQ courses are meant for people fresh out of teacher's college. I can hardly wait until it's finished - despite the fact that I'm actually starting another course hot on the heels of the first one. 6. While I like my job, I want to do something different. If only I were qualified. 7. While I love having a cleaning lady, firing ours was one of the best decisions we made over the holidays. 8. I am less squeamish than I thought I was - I was the dressing changer for J's incision when he came home from the hospital with 32 staples still in him. They'd removed half before he left. 9. I am not interested in the drinking habits of others, especially if I am taking a $1000 course (see #5) 10. I've missed posting. I'm just hoping that I can come up with the time to do more of this.

Ack!

Okay, so it's been a loooong time, and a whole lot has happened. Suze over at Still Baking signed up for NaBloPoMo, and I thought about it, but I'm glad I didn't. I really couldn't keep up. Life is busy enough. I do, however, feel a need to get things out. So here we go: 1. I finally caved on the whole furnace thing on Monday the 29th. I walked into the house and thought, "You know, I'd be comfortable in here if I left my coat on." That sealed it, and we now have heat. But I still have cold toes to share with J when we get into bed at night. I may have turned the heat on, but I am cheap. 2. Work is crazy, and that's one of the main reasons I've not been around other than to lurk. I'm the main trainer on a geometry roll out that's happening in my board right now, so I'm on the road for that based on the latest training model. I'm also still teaching full time, planning a family math day for our elementary school and putting together book studies which I facilitate for our teachers. J wonders why I don't get home earlier at night. My students wonder why I don't get their tests marked. 3. I've jumped back into school with both feet. I'm taking the high school math qualifications, which is enough in and of itself. It's 4 hours on Tuesday nights, 1.5 hours away from here. You'd think I'd learn. On days like this coming Tuesday, I'll leave the house at 7 to go and spend the day facilitating training, then get back in my car to go to my course, and then drive home. Assuming good weather and little construction, I'll get home around 11 PM. Everyone loves 16 hour days! I know my Wednesday students live for them. 4. I still need to finish my principal's qualifications. I've never completed the project that would let me do the last module of courses. JR came up with a great project that I'm now trying to get approved - cause we all know that I need more things to do in my spare time. I talked to the program coordinator Friday about what I needed to do for approval, and he wanted to know if I was interested in the last module in February because it will be offered here. When I took the first part, I slept on my friend's couch Saturday nights in Toronto because we went 8 - 5 on Saturdays and 8-2 on Sundays. Taking it in town is tempting. I could sleep in my own bed, for one thing. The problem is, I'll have to finish the project. And while JR and I came up with an awesome idea which she is willing to supervise, I'm not sure I can bang it out in 2 months. 5. Surprisingly, things with J are good. He doesn't seem too neglected. His colonoscopy on Friday showed no polyps, just the divirticuli which are the problem. He's having colon reduction surgery in December; probably the 6th. I will even be in town that day. I'm 5 hours away doing training the day before - after going to my class the Tuesday night before that. 6. This weekend, I've been channelling my inner Bob Vila...or maybe Mag Ruffman. J and I finally got around to picking up all of the pinecones that have been littering our front lawn. We also cut back the vines on the house, put up the new porch light I got for my birthday, and the matching new mailbox, and the tile numbers that I bought in Spain that have been waiting to be put up since 2005. J isn't mechanically inclined, so he is the amazing holder of things and repairer of my sanity as I wish the project to be done and wield the tools and look oh so sexy in my safety goggles as I drill holes in the brick. I'm just glad that he laughed with me (not at me) when I realized that I was trying to drill with the drill in reverse, and couldn't understand what I wasn't getting anywhere. Not surprisingly, I was sick last weekend and most of last week with strep throat. I think my body's trying to tell me something. I wonder what it could be.

On Being Off Work and Healthy on a Tuesday

The exciting news is, J was released from hospital today. He's now home, and is currently cursing the things that he's dropping in the shower. It's nice to have him back, even though I now need to pick up after myself and go to bed on time. It's all worth it to have my sweetie back. My parents stopped by and had lunch with us today. They're off to England and France for 5 weeks with my uncle and his wife. The joys of being retired. But it was nice to actually be able to see them and talk to them before they go. The original plan was that we'd see them after the U of M game Saturday night, so this wasn't bad. My mother even managed to look past the large basket of unfolded underwear that is currently gracing our living room floor. I hope they have a good trip - and that they send me lots of postcards. I went to the grocery store this afternoon. J was going to take a nap, and we were running out of staples, so I went and spent a pile of money on everything that we'd run out of. I have come to the conclusion that I need to grocery shop on a weekday more often. Especially if I can shop while I'm at work. There was no one in front of me at the butcher counter. And I didn't have to take a number at the deli counter. There was one woman in front of me paying at the cash register. This work thing - it keeps getting in the way of the rest of my life. But the best part of today was coming home from shopping, going upstairs, and crawling up on the bed with J. He held me tight and told me he'd missed me. I tell J all the time that I belong in his bed; but he belongs in mine too.

Update

First of all, thanks to everyone I've heard from! We're both getting there. The good news is, J is feeling better because he's getting whiny. I was ready to leave before I made it out the door tonight. He was in the midst of a list of all the things I should do for him before I get back no later than 12:30 tomorrow. Yep, he's on the mend. So, the short version of the past few days is this: he was admitted on Monday, and got a hospital bed (as opposed to an ER holding room space) Tuesday morning. He's on the paediatric floor, which just makes me giggle. J, not so much. Tuesday, his stomach was horribly distended - nothing was coming up or going down, gas wise. It was sitting and bloating. I walked in Wednesday to J in bed with a tube in his nose, and this dark, dark brown stuff collecting in a basin from the tube. He'd been throwing up, and now was being pumped out, nonstop. But less distended. We heard from the surgeon Wednesday night. They think that the antibiotic cocktail of before wasn't quite right, and so the bacteria continued on. His small intestine had also shut down, and the doctor figured he was there for another week. Today, he's much better: sitting up more, talking (or whining) more, and dreaming about cold drinks. It's been funny to watch him suck on ice chips, swallow, and then watch the tube bubble the water back out his nose. So the latest is that he should be out Tuesday or Wednesday, probably, barring no further complications. I'm looking forward to getting a little of my life back, and having a husband to keep me warm in bed again; once the heat wave passes.

Miles to Go Before I Sleep...

It is 4 AM and I haven't been to sleep since Saturday night yet. I'm still a little keyed up, and so think that perhaps writing will help me sleep and not think about everything that's happened. Hopefully. We'll see. J is back in hospital, once again experiencing the Ontario health system. He called me from work this afternoon to tell me that he was in a "little pain", but to bring him some Maalox at 6 when work ended and he'd be fine. He limped out to the car at 6 and kind of groaned his way in. Not wanting to go to the ER on a Sunday night during a long weekend, I brought him home. He watched Michigan Replay and decided to go upstairs to lie on the bed. He finally asked me to call 911 at 7:30 when he was shaking from pain and was pretty sure that he had to see a doctor and knew that he couldn't walk to the hospital or fold himself up to get in the car. So the paramedics came and he left on a stretcher. I ate dinner, packed up a few things based on what I learned the last time I stayed up all night in the ER and went over to the hospital about 8:15. He was on a stretcher in the hall of the ER near the doors where the ambulances pull in. They drew blood at 8:30. At 11:00, they took vitals and told us that there were 8 patients still ahead of us, and at midnight there would only be 1 doctor working instead of 3. J saw the doctor at 1:10. He was promised pain medication. At 2:30 they took him for X-rays. He came back, and was actually upgraded to a partition of a room with curtains. I set him up for the night and promised to stay until the doctor came back. At 3:30, he asked the nurse if he would ever get the promised pain meds. I wanted to know when the doctor was coming back. J got his Demerol. I was given a blank stare and a shrug. J was pretty out of it. I'd taken his CPAP machine and ear plugs, and between those and the Demerol he'll sleep. I just feel guilty for leaving before the doctor came back. But I'm so tired. And the chair was freakishly uncomfortable - even with my feet propped up on J's bed. It's a funny thing walking on the streets at 4 AM by yourself. I didn't see one single person after I left the hospital (we live 2 blocks away. I refuse to pay for parking or a cab). No car, nothing. I crossed against the light and came into the house to discover that I hadn't turned off the computer in my haste to leave. So now that I've written, I'm hoping that my mind will be eased somewhat before I sleep the sleep of the dead. I'd better hurry. J wanted me to leave his cell phone and I complied. The last time we did this 3 weeks ago, he was up and phoning by 8:30. I really don't want to hear from him in 4ish hours.

Ouch

So, college football started this past weekend. While I realize this isn't of great interest to many of my readers, it's the main subject of conversation around here from now until the end of November...or really the beginning of January when the bowl games are over. J's family are all University of Michigan fans. Huge ones. They have season's tickets huge. They all go all season huge. J and I have taken over the majority of his parents tickets. They just aren't up to going anymore. The season started this weekend. It was a gorgeous day. I bought a new Michigan hat. The tailgating was such fun. I got my wedding rings back, soldered together. All good. We'll just skip the game. Someday my husband will stop crying and screaming for Lloyd Carr's blood.

Thoughts for a Tuesday Afternoon

It's 5:40 PM and I just got out of the shower. It has been one of those days. I've also decided that blasting Keith Urban through the good speakers attached to J's computer is in order. My ancient stereo from university freaks out every time I put the disc in. So here I sit with still drippy hair, trying to make sense of what's going on. I'm hoping writing will be the answer. I kinda miss all that hair I had for the wedding because it was easy to hide when I really didn't feel like washing it...just pull the ponytail tighter and wait for tomorrow. I obviously spent waaaay too many years at camp when I can say things like that. But it's nice to feel clean; even though I have floury fingers already from putting together pizza dough in the bread machine already. We still need to eat dinner, and I need to be somewhat ambitious during the time that J is at work. I really have only about 2 weeks of vacation left. 2 and a half, technically, but I need to go in and look at the disaster that was my schedule when I left in June and get some prep work done. I know that I have 2 full sections of Grade 10 life skills math, and that neither class will be as math savvy as my wretched Grade 10s of last year. I need to get ready for first week baseline assessments. Not that I really want to think about them. It's more fun to still be on vacation. I've also told J that really, I'm not ever going back to work - but I'll still be collecting my paycheque. I'm not sure how that works, but I'm willing to give it the old college try. I like being home in the day, with few plans and lots of time. Although that would probably get old. Eventually. Things are fine on my end right now. I can't find the dining room table still, but it's coming. J has, unfortunately, started using the same tactics that my mother uses to get me to do things; he'll ask as he leaves for work, "So, you're going to put things away this afternoon, Right?" So I nod and promptly ignore his pointed suggestion. I will say that I paid our bills this afternoon, did 2 loads of laundry, put away the cookbooks (all 2 of them), went through his immigration paperwork, and read a magazine this afternoon. And made pizza dough. And I'm going to do the dishes when I'm done this before I go pick him up. I'm hoping he'll realize without my saying so that suggesting what he wants me to do shuts me down. Maybe I should just tell him. What I started thinking about this afternoon was the fact that when I go back to work, it's going to get a lot harder around here. I mean, the laundry will get done, and meals will arrive on the table, and I'll still pick J up every night, but I worry about how tired I'm going to be. How much work I'm going to have. How I'll have my own political intrigues to navigate. It's going to be interesting. For as I stay home and pay bills, J's mired in a job he doesn't like. It's exhausting for both of us on some level. He's stuck in the fact that this is the one and only place his work visa allows him to be gainfully employed - but he's still looking for a new gig, and with it a new work permit. I haven't told him this yet, but I think he needs that new position before we submit his papers to the Canadian government or they may shut down his plans. We're still trying to figure out if he's going to be able to get the time off to go to Genesis in Cleveland in September, and whether or not he'll actually get to meet my extended family at Christmas. Last year I went alone as he worked. Neither of us want to do that again. While he has time off, he's not allowed to take it, except at the convenience of his employer, which is never because they don't have a backup plan. It's insanity and I'm scared to death he's going to walk away from it and be my financial responsibility. Not that I really blame him with what's been going on recently. No answers, only questions. I just want the outlet. Perhaps tomorrow will make more sense. Then I'll put stuff away.

Letters...Oh We've Got Letters...

J and I went to see a touring company of Second City Saturday night. Very funny. One sketch was a guy writing emails to everyone who has pissed him off. Mainly, utility companies. I liked his style. Hence: To: J Subject: I love you, but.... As I sat this morning in the bathroom, enjoying the pleasant breeze coming in through the window, it struck me how hairy you are. For, in that same breeze, a tumbleweed rolled past me made entirely of hair. While I realize that I lose some everyday too, these were a little too grey and a little to short to be my own. Honey, you're shedding, and you're not going bald. I have not decided on the best course of action here, but there will be one. Good thing the cleaning lady comes tomorrow. Your Wife To: My Lawn Guy Subject: You Rock! Thank you so much for getting Glamour Project 2007 off to such an amazing start. I will appreciate the day that I can once again use my own driveway once you have finished removing everything from our backyard. I can see the long-term goal, and assuming that you aren't going to overcharge me for labour and we get close to the agreed upon price, I will recommend you to those near and dear. As for the jackhammering to remove the concrete retaining wall, one wishes you would have warned one first so one could have closed the windows. Dustily yours, Me To: The Guy I Knew in Elementary and High School Who Found Me on Facebook Subject: The Reason I Chose to Ignore you Thank you for feeling it necessary to add me as a friend on Facebook. It's very flattering to have a person that I haven't seen in 15 years, nor thought about, look for me. Not that I've made it difficult, but still! I do find it necessary, however, to explain to you why I don't feel a need to find out what you've been up to for the last decade and a half. 1. I always found you somewhat creepy. Despite the children that you have had with your wife that were in your picture, you're still a little creepy looking. That doesn't sit well with me. 2. Your favourite "books" are listed as Penthouse, Playboy and Swank. The only thing that makes these titles resemble books (other than the facts that they have titles) is that they have pages. And perhaps a contrived storyline, as evidenced by Friends. While I didn't hate high school, there were many things that I abhorred. Your profile is evidence of most of the things that I hated. There are no "Glory Days" to relive with me. I just don't care. Sincerely, The priss from high school who's now a bitch To: The Visa Company Subject: My Ongoing Suffering Thank you for your support of my shopping. Without you, I would not have been able to put on a lovely wedding and go on a fabulous honeymoon with J. Despite the fact that I will pay off the ludicrous amount that I have spent in the last few months over another few months, I get the distinct impression that you enjoy my hemhorraging of money into your coffers. Please stop raising my limit, and extending my grace period. I would prefer all of this solicitousness being channeled into a lowering of my interest rate. No? Well, one must try. Sincerely, The girl with no money to speak of that isn't spoken for To: J Subject: Why I Love You As I lay in bed last night, you rolled over, pulled me close, and held me until I fell asleep. Thank you for not being from my high school Big Smoochies, The girl you married

Do You Feel Married Yet?

This is the question my friend littlguy asks me everytime we chat on line, and my answer is always, "Sure, why not?" because the truth is that I'm not sure. How does being married feel? J and I have now known each other for 27 months: the first 8 by computer and phone only. We've been together IRL for 19. He's been in Canada for 9 months; just a slightly shorter amount of time than we've been engaged. He's been moved in here for 3 full months now, and now that the dresser is here and the armoire is built, his things no longer litter any free surface (that's saved for wedding gifts at the moment). Not that any of these things would make me feel married...they're just measures of how long we've known each other. I think the problem is, I can't decide what has really changed since the wedding. He's working, I'm home; and it's my house, so nothing has changed there. We keep separate bank accounts, and he gives me money to help with the bills because they're all linked to my accounts. I still pay the mortgage, and the house is in my name. Seeing as I'm not changing my name legally, it's one more thing that we really don't share. I keep introducing myself as Sarah S on the phone and making reservations for things. It's funny to me, and something to sigh over for him. J is once again looking around for work (he does this a lot...I think it's to rattle me), and this may be the deciding factor: we lay in bed last night talking about the possibilities, and what it would mean for us. He talked about how he needed to do what was best for him, as well as for his family. I suddenly realized that he was talking about me as his family - and it gave me warm fuzzies; partially because he really wanted my opinion, but also because he was willing to think about my needs and putting them first. Apparantly, my husband has a lot to teach me. TUA (Totally Unrelated Aside with deferance to kapgar): Glamour project 2007 started today. I went into the bathroom to take a shower this morning and realized that there were 2 men in my backyard ripping out the patio stones and railways ties that made up the totally useless lower patio that came between my deck and the grass. Woohoo!! Soon it will be all grass. I must buy a hose. We don't own one of those, and the seeds will need watering.