Of All the Things I've Lost...

I'm not in a great place tonight. I don't know if it's because the vacation is almost over, or if it's deeper than that. I went to bed with J, but I'm up again. He gets up at 4:45 or 5:00 AM on Saturdays so that he can be gone to work by 6. I, on the other hand, can sleep until I wake up. Tomorrow I plan to do just that.

I was reading one of the many magazines that I brought with me when I realized that the computer I've been using all week is a laptop. That means portability. So I'm sitting in the dim living room of the hotel suite wearing my pajamas and J's slippers with the laptop on my lap. It's all good

While it's not the happiest of subjects, one thought has been running around in my head all day. I was reading a friend's meme on Facebook. It was all sentence starters. The one that caught me was "I miss..." There are so many things I miss. I've been thinking about them a lot today. With that, I present the 10 things I miss.

1. I miss sleeping in my own bed. You would think that the hotel is comfortable and that I would get used to the bed. Sadly, this is not the case. The bed is hard and the pillows unsupportive. Ii miss my pillows too.

2. I miss cooking. As I stared at yet another menu tonight, willing myself to like something...ANYTHING...that they were offering, it occurred to me how little I'm cooking right now. I don't see the point for myself, and we've really run out of food that would make things at our house. I have come to dread facing another restaurant menu. At the moment, even Fricker's medium chicken chunks and wedge fries dipped in blue cheese dip have little to no appeal. These are desperate times indeed. On a side note, I signed up today for an Easter cookie decorating class. We'll make a bouquet of Easter cookies in the course of an evening. I'm really looking forward to that.

3. I miss having my husband in my house. Despite the fact that he makes me crazy, I miss having J around. He was a good reason to cook. He was a good reason for a lot of things. Having him in the hotel isn't the same. It's not my space.

4. I miss good TV. You know, the stuff that you actually looked forward to. Something with an interesting plot line that wasn't over the top gory. I've watched a lot of CSI:NY this week in the hotel, and while I enjoy the stories, I'm not fond of the bodies. I yearn for something that would hold my attention. I watch way too many sport events over the edge of reading material.

5. I miss a job where I knew the answers some of the time. While I love my current role, and it's challenging and new and exciting, I long for a little more mundane. My principal thrives on crisis. I, on the other hand, do not. I don't want the ambulance to have to show up. I'm not interested in having blood come out of a student for any reason. I don't really want to deal with the angry parent. But it's what I signed up for. And when I think about what I'd be going back to, I prefer the road I've taken.

6. I miss getting letters in the mail. When I was 18, I was an exchange student in France for a year. I wrote and sent my parents a letter every week. I got tons of mail from my friends. I wonder about what happens for students who go now. Do they do most of their correspondence by email? How immersed can you be when the world is on your doorstep? I love getting postcards, letters, and things in general that aren't bills. Perhaps that's why I love getting magazines so much. But there's something about a letter that's wonderful. I should really send more.

7. I miss dating J. Which is weird, seeing as it's not like he's gone somewhere, but in that marriage is different. Maybe it's more that I miss that shiny love, where you know there's work, but you can gloss over it. I'm not saying that there's a problem, but the day to day work is real and glossing would be a mistake.

8. I miss France. It's one of my favourite places ever. I would live in Paris in a heartbeat. There's something very special about the place where I learned a lot about cooking, and even more about being my own person. I miss the cheese, the pace of life, and Brut de Pomme. Perhaps the latter just because I'm thirsty at the moment.

9. I miss discovering new music. Sadly, I've fallen into enough of a rut recently that it's a long time since I've picked up something new. J and I listen to an awful lot of the 70s channel on our satellite radio. I've always enjoyed the opening acts at the concerts I've attended - they're new, and different, and often very talented. I don't remember the last show I went to where I was impressed with the opening act (I think it might be Matt Nathanson in the summer of 2004 or 2005). There's something wrong with that.

10. I miss connecting regularly with a couple of my good friends. I need to make more of an effort to do this. While it's really no one's fault with work, kids, spouses, etc, there are some people in my life who I count as good friends that I miss. I should do something about that.

On a completely unrelated note, the pictures my friend Kathryn took last weekend are great. If you want to see some, they are here. if you click on "Couples", pictures of J and myself will pop up. We need to look through them and see what we like so that we can ask Kat to send them to us. Yay! I love them!