As many of you know, I'm difficult. I may actually thrive on being so. Or perhaps ornery is a better way to descibe it. That's how J describes me, from time to time, when I'm being passive agressive. But today I was labelled as most difficult.
I just wish it hadn't been at my first ever pap test.
So, seeing as I got married, am over 30, and have never had one done, I figured it was high time to make an appointment. I went to the Women's Health Clinic, and was expecting some discomfort. They're shoving metal things into you so they can collect samples with popsicle sticks and mascara brushes. How comfortable can that be? Yeah. So, J and I had a nice morning, got his hair cut, went grocery shopping, and I took him home before walking over to the hospital.
The nurse was very nice - showed me everything, explained it all to me, and left me to disrobe from the waist down. Not a problem. She came back in, warmed the device of evil, and started. The first time she removed it (seeing as I was too stiff to let her put it in anymore), she decided to go with the really narrow one. The second time she removed it, she decided I needed more lube. The third time she removed it, it was at my insistence; seeing as I was about to claw my way backwards over the top of the chair I was reclining in head first. The fourth time it went in, she remarked, "Well, we'll take what we can get. I hope it's enough." Yeah, I hope so too.
Then she went to check my ovaries and I just about jumped through my skin. I hadn't thought about the fact that I'm totally ticklish. Go figure.
I decided a few things as I walked home after the whole uncomfortable experience:
1. I care enough about my health to go back next year, but I'll take Advil first.
2. I never want a man doing anything like that to me. Ever. I'm sure his attitude would have been, "suck it up."
3. I do not believe I could possibly stretch enough to bear children.
4. The whole thing would be much easier with a couple of muscle relaxants and a bottle of tequila.
Queen of Difficult, that's me.
In 1200 characters, I could say quite a bit. I'm early 40s, married, not enough time to do the things in life that I love. But I do enjoy cooking, travel, and sleeping. Especially sleeping...but that goes without saying.
I'm always on the lookout for great new recipes to try, fun new experiences to do, and finding a new place to nap...all with my husband.