Miles to Go Before I Sleep...

It is 4 AM and I haven't been to sleep since Saturday night yet. I'm still a little keyed up, and so think that perhaps writing will help me sleep and not think about everything that's happened. Hopefully. We'll see. J is back in hospital, once again experiencing the Ontario health system. He called me from work this afternoon to tell me that he was in a "little pain", but to bring him some Maalox at 6 when work ended and he'd be fine. He limped out to the car at 6 and kind of groaned his way in. Not wanting to go to the ER on a Sunday night during a long weekend, I brought him home. He watched Michigan Replay and decided to go upstairs to lie on the bed. He finally asked me to call 911 at 7:30 when he was shaking from pain and was pretty sure that he had to see a doctor and knew that he couldn't walk to the hospital or fold himself up to get in the car. So the paramedics came and he left on a stretcher. I ate dinner, packed up a few things based on what I learned the last time I stayed up all night in the ER and went over to the hospital about 8:15. He was on a stretcher in the hall of the ER near the doors where the ambulances pull in. They drew blood at 8:30. At 11:00, they took vitals and told us that there were 8 patients still ahead of us, and at midnight there would only be 1 doctor working instead of 3. J saw the doctor at 1:10. He was promised pain medication. At 2:30 they took him for X-rays. He came back, and was actually upgraded to a partition of a room with curtains. I set him up for the night and promised to stay until the doctor came back. At 3:30, he asked the nurse if he would ever get the promised pain meds. I wanted to know when the doctor was coming back. J got his Demerol. I was given a blank stare and a shrug. J was pretty out of it. I'd taken his CPAP machine and ear plugs, and between those and the Demerol he'll sleep. I just feel guilty for leaving before the doctor came back. But I'm so tired. And the chair was freakishly uncomfortable - even with my feet propped up on J's bed. It's a funny thing walking on the streets at 4 AM by yourself. I didn't see one single person after I left the hospital (we live 2 blocks away. I refuse to pay for parking or a cab). No car, nothing. I crossed against the light and came into the house to discover that I hadn't turned off the computer in my haste to leave. So now that I've written, I'm hoping that my mind will be eased somewhat before I sleep the sleep of the dead. I'd better hurry. J wanted me to leave his cell phone and I complied. The last time we did this 3 weeks ago, he was up and phoning by 8:30. I really don't want to hear from him in 4ish hours.